Where do I go from here?

Hello friends,

If you read the title of this post, and immediately starting singing a Pocahontas ballad, let's talk later.
I like you.

Today's topic (and it seems to be the topic of every day) is the future, but more than that--What kind of life do I want to live?

In our last Collo class, we discussed the characteristics of what makes good, useful, happy, and successful lives. The verdict is that all of these are quite subjective, but most of them include some aspects of love, service, fulfilling occupations, and living according to personal standards.
For me, these are not mutually exclusive. If I'm living a good or useful life, then I'll likely be happy and successful in my own eyes.
So, a happy life is what I want to focus on for my future.


As someone who loves to plan, who has lists for my to-do lists, and who is comforted by details,
the future is a daunting topic of discussion because of all the unknowns.

Luckily, I found some guidance to make it more simple. Where did I find it, you ask? Divine intervention? A crystal ball? A prophetic dream?
Nope, take another guess... a book!
Once again, I find the answer to my questions in written word. More specifically this time, it was Joe Biden's new book Promise Me, Dad.  One of the first pages is inscribed with a quote from Immanuel Kant! ( Probably none of you will geek out about this connection, but he is known in philosophy as the father of Transcendental Idealism, and he is super important in Political Science)

His words give me simple guidelines for the future I want.

"Rules for Happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for."

Immediately, it made sense to me. Those three directives fit very clearly into my disposition.
Maybe I can't predict where I will live or exactly what job I will have. I know things I'm a fan of now will change; maybe I'll get tired of my bangs and maybe Nashville will be too crowded when I decide to settle down, but a few things in my life are constant. So, I feel comfortable doing a breakdown of goals and following these rules.

A Happy Life

Short-Term (aka the sweet, sweet bliss that will be Christmas break) 

• Something to do: READ!!! I have so many books that need my attention. Also as it will be Christmas and I have to make my happiness a priority, I must consume lots of cute sugar cookies, and most importantly, give all the presents I've been working so hard to get right. 
• Someone to love: This one is the easiest. I'm surrounded by the most wonderful people in the whole universe like my perfect boyfriend, Grayson (I finally get to see him soon, so woohoo!!!) and my crazy family, full of relatives I fiercely adore--most significantly, my cousin/best friend/soulmate/ life coach Amanda. They will receive showers of compliments and gifts and quality time with me in the next few weeks, and I will be overflowing with a feeling of wholeness and probably tears of joy.  
• Something to hope for: A White Christmas!!! I know this is a long shot as I live in middle Tennessee and I've already checked the weather. BUT I have seen every Hallmark Christmas movie and I really believe in miracles, so fingers crossed! Even if it doesn't happen, I also hope that the good people of Alabama choose not to elect Roy Moore and that maybe we save Net Neutrality. I'd use Christmas miracles for that too. 

Mid-Term (5 years) 

• Something to do: Well, I will be 24 and likely enrolled in law school or some sort of graduate program. I genuinely love learning, and I think I should use any knowledge I get to make a difference, so perhaps I will be participating in meaningful discussions and research.
• Someone to love: Still Grayson. Five years from now, I think we'll be married and every day I will get to hold his hand and make him feel appreciated for how amazing he is and we'll have cute little pets we can love, too! 
• Something to hope for: In 5 years, hopefully I have a restored sense of faith in the country that I love so much. My hope is that in 2022, we are committed to justice and good governance and equity. Also on a more personal note, I think I'll be hoping for more time to spend with my family. It's scary to think about life without any of the people I love now.

Long-Term (10 years) 

• Something to do: This puts me at 29, so I hope to be working as a lawyer or some sort of expert in policy research. Also as a hobby, I hope to have a really nice garden with lots of flowers and only the vegetables I like. 
• Someone to love: Never changing, always Grayson (and my family and Joe Biden) 
• Something to hope for: I don't know if I'll have a kid by then and I'm terrified even thinking about it now. But if I did, I hope I'm the mother he/she deserves, one that loves him/her with every ounce of who I am and teaches him/her to love that way too. 

Okay, so you may have some thoughts about my predictions. You may think my idealism is coming into play, and that I won't end up with my current boyfriend, but I know I will because I would have thought that too before I met him. He's the one I would have never planned on when I was thinking of life three years ago. My education and career were always the main focuses of my plan, and maybe I'd find someone along the way as an established adult. Yet, here I am: 19 and super in love. I mean I watch romantic comedies now, and I think "Hmm... Tom Hanks isn't that great." because I have someone better. Isn't that wild? I have this perfect person for me who beats the king of rom coms!!!

Anyway, I'm feeling really happy and blessed right now, even in the heat of finals week. 

Thank you to any dedicated reader that made it to the end of this. 

I hope you all have things to do, people to love, and hopes to believe in. 

Until next time, 

Maddie 

Volunteering:Honors College Student Council, Habitat for Humanity Store, and My Little Brother

So, this semester is almost over!  I have so many things to wrap up--tests, papers, Christmas presents---and my volunteer experiences.

Therefore, prepare for a long post because I have three big commitments to discuss. 

The first is Honors College Student Council! My first political position at ETSU! 

Some of you may remember the first Collo class we had this semester, everyone voted for a representative for their programs. 

After some short rambling about my love for people, words, and Parks and Rec, I was lucky enough to be elected as the Presidential Honors Community Service Scholars Representative (the first one ever because we're a new program). 

Over the past few months, I have attended meetings to discuss and plan events that are important to the Honors College, such as the Social and Charity Ball.  I even joined a committee with outside meetings to plan the Social and smaller events. Though I have been pretty quiet in most of the meetings, it has been a wonderful experience for me to represent my peers and learn more about the way the Honors College works. Throughout the semester, I have invested 8 hours into this organization.  

Another service opportunity I participated in was volunteering at the Habitat for Humanity Restore in Johnson City. I did three separate shifts totaling 10 hours. I really like it there because all the workers are so lovely and grateful for the help. You just walk in and get to work. Most of my duties included going through and/or accepting donations, then pricing items and finding a place for them on the floor.
My favorite part: the store gets so many books that all of them can't go on the floor, so the manager (Wendy) lets me take the ones I want! It's a dream come true. I've only taken two so far because I don't want to deprive the good people of the Tri-Cities, but it's always fun to browse for a new read while I volunteer.

Last one (and the most wonderful of all): my little brother!!

No, my mother did not have another kid. That'd be a crazy curve-ball and would really alter the balance of attention my siblings and I have carefully crafted.
I have a new little brother because I volunteer for the Boys and Girls Club, Big Brothers Big Sisters
Program.  (20 hours of Service so far)

The process of getting a little was quite extensive. I had to fill out an online application, attend an orientation, go through a 2 hour interview, pass a background check and have 5 references interviewed, then do hours of online training/testing, and then finally get a match.
I originally thought I would be matched up with a little sister because they typically match by gender, but that's not what happened! Our local Boys and Girls club had several young boys who wanted to be a part of the program, but not enough older boys/men choose to volunteer.

My little brother, whom I met in October, is delightful. I won't say too many details because I don't want to share too much personal information about him on the web, but he looks a lot like me--red hair, freckles, green eyes. People think he's my real sibling a lot, so that's a fun little bit for us. For the purposes of the blog, I'll just call him Lil J.

I meet with Lil J every week for two hours. He's pretty shy, so at first I didn't know if he liked me, but now we're regular ole pals. Our favorite activities are playing pool and making paper airplanes. I've been trying to help him with his reading. He doesn't enjoy it very much though, so I have to bribe him with Reese's and cookies.

The next few weeks without him will be weird, but I'm gonna send a card and plan some fun stuff for when I see him in January.

Overall, my volunteer experiences this semester have been thoroughly enjoyable, and that was the goal. It doesn't feel much like a requirement when I'm doing things that make me a better person and bring joy to others. I'm looking forward to next semester!


Until Next Time (which will be only a few hours! I've got another one to do),

Maddie



Total Hours:
2 Helping at the Honors Tailgate
8 Honors College Student Council
10 Habitat for Humanity Store
20 Boys and Girls Club

40!

My Friend and Her Trumpet

Hello My Fellow Americans, 

^ Tribute to my main man, President Obama

You know what's great? Seeing someone you love doing something they love. 

This past Monday, I attended the Brass Ensemble performances to see my wonderful friend, THE Kate Carter, play her trumpet. (Other students and instruments were also featured, and they deserve praise as well. Good game, guys and gals!) Now, this concert has been very much anticipated on my part. I've heard many stories about Kate's high school concerts, and I've experienced the pain of losing her to hours of rehearsal everyday. So I was really expecting something great, and she did not disappoint. 

My favorite piece was "Bugler's Holiday" by Leroy Anderson. Kate's part was the prettiest. I don't exactly have any musical analysis for that statement, but I could feel it and hear it.

Pictured below, you will see I was lucky enough to get her autograph. Note also: her name is printed wrong. It's **Katherine** for future notice.

Seeing this performance and hearing all the holiday music also dredged up some nostalgia for my experiences in high school choir and orchestra. As soon as the tubas began an arrangement of an  "Adagio for Strings", I ached for my cello. I still regularly listen to string music when I'm stressed or driving or studying. It will be a part of me forever. 

Perhaps that is something I will pick up again one day, but for now, I am just happy to have such a talented friend to bring me Christmas joy. 

I sign off now to write a few more posts on other subjects! 

Maddie 

What Do I Value? (a discussion of my mission and modus operandi)

Hey hi hello! 

In our last colloquium class, we discussed values. (What does that mean? Do values shape our everyday lives? If so, which ones?) 

As a cohort, we came up with a list of about 20 values. Then Professor Hedden asked us to narrow it down to 8 that were most important to us...then just 5...then ONLY 2.  Anyone sitting around me could likely hear my heavy breathing and stress-induced mumbling that was a product of these requests. Perhaps it's apparent by now, but I'm quite an idealist (although yes, I study politics, so some of my dreams of a good world have been crushed).  I'm fiercely loyal to a wide range of values and felt like I was betraying myself a little when I had to mark out things like honesty, peace, and friendship. 

Before you decide to quit reading because I may be a lying, conflict-hungry, bad friend, LET ME EXPLAIN. 

  

The Process went as follows: 

 

Honesty                   Happiness                Family 

Loyalty                    Justice                      Love

Knowledge              Faith                         Integrity 

Respect                    Kindness                  Success

Ambition                 Independence           Equality 

Compassion             Freedom                   Peace 

Open-mindedness    Friendship                Power

The Top 5:

Knowledge              Faith 

Compassion             Freedom

Happiness                Family 

Justice                      Love 

The Final 2: 

Knowledge 

Happiness

Justice 

Faith 

Love 

So there you have it. I am left with Justice and Love.  

I believe this choice is best explained by something called modus operandi, which is Latin for "method of operations". If you've seen any legal shows, you may have heard this term in reference 

to the habits of a criminal, but it applies generally to mean a particular way of doing something (like life). 

My modus operandi is to love and to love hard. I don't just mean romantic love--although I am very much in love with a wonderful guy and have no qualms expressing that. Inherently, I've always possessed a very intense love that reaches into all aspects of my life. I genuinely love to learn, so I've always excelled in school. I love books, so I brought 60 of them to college with me. On a greater scale, my method of loving extends to many of the values I had to cross off the list. I love my family and my friends, so I constantly praise them and celebrate their half-birthdays and cry when they are hurt. I love God, so my version of faith is focused on loving others and striving for the ideals that Jesus represented. 

In regard to justice, that encompasses the desire in me to do whatever I can to make society better. 

Part of that means acting out of love, but it also means using my talents and education to pursue a law career in which I can work to protect those values of equality, freedom, knowledge, integrity, and peace. If there's anything that gets my mind and heart working at the same intensity, it's a political injustice. 

That brings us to the formation of a mission statement. Mine is simple.

Madison Zickgraf 's Mission: To always act out of love and pursue justice for all, to commit humbly to a patient pursuit of improving myself and the world. 

I hope to remember this exercise when life makes it hard to believe in an ideal, when I fail to love fully, and when the world doesn't seem to be moving forward. 

Until Next Time, 

Maddie

**Honorary recipients of my passionate love that were not listed above: ducks, fuzzy socks, a friendly tree, delicious tacos, parks & recreation (as a department and the TV show), the smell of the air after it rains, political biographies about powerful women, kids who like to read, and Crooked Media podcasts.** 

A Night with Charles Wright!

Greetings Everyone,

Last Wednesday, I had the honor of attending a Charles Wright Poetry Reading! As an English major and poetry enthusiast, this night was comparable to the experience of getting tickets to a championship game for a sports' fan.

The seats were filled with many students only there to get extra credit points in their English courses, and I was met with strange glances at my repeated ramblings of "I'm so excited! Oh my gosh, we're in the same room as a poet laureate! I'm just so excited!" 

As he read, I scribbled some thoughts and my favorite lines in my trusted journal. However, I'm having some difficulty forming a cohesive statement regarding my feelings for the entire night because his poetry covers such a range of emotions and experiences. So, I will just make a few suggestions of his poems that everyone should read.

• "Black Zodiac" 
• "Bedtime Story" 
• "Appalachian Book of the Dead" (There's a few of these)
• "Black and Blue" 
• "Shadow and Smoke" 
• "California Dreaming" 
• "Closer I Walk With Thee" 

Actually, I plan on reading everything he's written. Those are just some good ones that he read or I already knew of. Also, listen to his interviews on NPR, read articles about him, celebrate the fact that East Tennessee produced one of America's best poets! 

Thank you, Charles Wright, for reminding me that in the middle of all the chaos of college days and the discouraging news I read every day, that a good poem makes my heart and mind feel so much jazz. I don't know how else to say it. I won't give up on something that has such an impact. 

I wish I could write more, but I must study for a Latin test taking place tomorrow morning. 

Until Next Time or as the Romans would say "In Proximum", 

Maddie   

Absurdity of Truth Exhibit & Honors Tailgating

Hello again,

These past few weeks have been so busy, but have felt quite slow.  Classes are getting tough, the bags under my eyes are noticeable, and I am ready for fall break. However, two experiences have really boosted my morale.

• The Absurdity of Truth Exhibit: Recently I had the chance to visit the Slocumb Art Galleries on campus, a collection of mixed media work by John Feodorov. His art makes a commentary on finding his identity as a Native American in a country that continues to degrade things he values like the earth that we live on. Many of his pieces featured an aggressive interaction of animals with humans. The artist explains, however, that the issues he focuses on are not exclusively "native issues but global" ones. In the same way, his identity--and by extension, his art-- is not confined to being Native American. Like we discussed in the last Colloquium class, the question of who we are is a complex one, and the answer can never be answered in one label. 

"Protecting Civilization" (2010)

• Honors Tailgate: Typically, you would not find me at a tailgate, especially when there is very loud country music playing in the distance. Yet, there I was! I spent 4 hours of my Saturday at the Ada Earnest Honors House, where I volunteered my time and physical labor to help carry tables and set up tents. The rest of the time was taken by hot dog eating and socializing with some new friends. I was lucky enough to have good conversation with a few fellow PHCSS gals, and I feel happy to know more about them. The real highlight of the day was a sweet lil lass named Kate Carter! She is a perfect angel that was sent to be my new best bud. I've been quite obsessed with making her be my friend since she started talking about my favorite book in Collo, and THEN, she complimented my overalls. The world was very nice in sending her to talk to me at the tailgate. We really clicked and have since spent every day together. She even agreed to watch my favorite show, Parks and Recreation! I will blog about her a lot in the future as she is stuck with me for the next four years now. :) 

Until next time, 

Maddie 

Who I Am via What I Packed for College

Hey hi hello, 

Today's topic is my identity! 

Who am I? 

When confronted with that question, an Audre Lorde quote immediately comes to mind: 

"There is no single-issue struggle because we do not live single-issue lives." 

The struggle to pinpoint who I am is wrapped up in the pressure to be one thing, something simple. 

Typically, my introduction goes as follows: "My name is Madison Zickgraf. I'm a double major in Political Science and English, and I'm from Nashville." 

As students, we have the tendency to reduce the complexity of ourselves into quick facts of majors and hometowns. Although that intro covers most of what a new acquaintance may need to know, in personal introspection, we should really strive for something deeper. That is precisely the point of participating in Honors Colloquium. The last class we were asked to analyze our identity based on the physical (or metaphorical) things we brought to college with us.  A lot of my classmates had lovely and interesting answers about little reminders of their families or friends. For me, the overwhelming answer is books by sheer quantity. For the purpose of demonstrating the amount, I've gathered them all together from their respective homes -- on and below the desk, under the bed, stacked on the window sill-- and conducted a photo shoot. 

The books featured above are less than half of my personal library, the remainder of which is still in my room at home (much to my chagrin). However, the presence of these books in my college dorm makes it feel like a room that I really live in. For all of my life, I have been a reader. Stacks of books have been a permanent fixture in my decor, beginning in childhood. I can remember following my dad around in bookstores as a young kid, begging for something new to read, even when I already had plenty of unread novels still waiting. Something about the smell of the pages and the promise of a new book made me too jazzed to have self-control. 

Over the years, my interest developed from Junie B. Jones to James Joyce, from Harry Potter to Hemingway, and continues to grow as I discover more of my passions. In fact, the stack on the right is focused almost exclusively topics of social issues and political history/biographies. These books not only give me knowledge when I'm reading, but remind me to keep pursuing knowledge even when I'm doing something else. Frequently, I will look to Madeline Albright's face on the cover of her autobiography to encourage me to push through my millionth hour of studying for International Relations class. To her, I respond, "Thank you, Madame Secretary." 

 I suppose I could just google a nice quote or take advantage of a local library, but I enjoy the permanence of a book that is all mine. I've lived my entire life with books surrounding me and shaping my personality. I believe that words matter, and I constantly find inspiration, shelter, and support in some good old-fashioned printed pages.

(PSA to support your local bookstores. Print will never die!!!) 

Yes, my love for reading is quite intense, but my love for my family and friends shares the same fervor.  Below are pictures of the rest of my dorm decor, featuring pictures --of my family, best friends, perfect boyfriend, and a duck that I like to visit-- intermingled with postcards of my favorite place in DC or pieces of artwork that I enjoy. 

Archibald the duck is pictured in between
"American Gothic" and the March on Washington.
He's an advocate for social justice. 

Please notice the three most delightful men in the world:
My boyfriend, Barack Obama, and Joe Biden.

Look! Another memento of my love for books!
Also featured again: my guy, Grayson. He also likes
to surround himself with words and happens to be the
greatest person in this state, country, world,
and probably universe. 

So really the point is: we are more than one thing. All of us have an identity that is wrapped up in the different roles we take on: student, daughter, sister, girlfriend, best friend, citizen, woman, but we can find value in the combination of all parts of us. I may be a political science student who loves to read, but I also love to eat tacos and feed ducks and wear fun socks and laugh at Lebron James's tweets (I love Lebron. We'll get back to that some time.) 

For now, I've got some work to do. 

 

Until next time, 

Maddie

Oh oh oh, I forgot. The name of my blog is inspired by one of my favorite books A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man by James Joyce. I changed it to Colloquist because I am doing this blog for Colloquium class, and a "colloquist" is someone who engages in meaningful conversation. That's who I hope to be. 

 

Greetings!

Hello friends,

This blog is intended to serve as a living document of my time in college. I am currently a student at East Tennessee State University, where I am studying Political Science and English Literature. Those subjects are near to my heart and alive in my brain because I think words have the capacity to change the world for good or bad. I'd like to be a part of the good. Alas, we will return to my studies in later posts I'm sure.

The most important thing to know about the way this blog is set up is that it will specifically follow my journey as a member of the Presidential Honors Community Service Scholars Program.  As a part of this group, I have a responsibility to be honest and introspective about who I am, where I'm from, how I am influenced, and ways in which I need to grow. Hopefully, I can dig into those questions while also reaching outside of myself and into the community around me. Ideally, the community and I engage in a healthy relationship, where each is benefiting from the presence of the other.

Fingers crossed.